Trapped in my own body

I feel paralyzed. My mind is working clearly, but my body does not want to function. I feel like I'm dying alive. I watch my body getting weaker and weaker every day and I can't do anything about it ... Because my body is too weak from all the treatments. My body is useless. I am useless. Just a cover that can no longer be used for anything.

Why is my mind still alive when I'm no longer of use? I vegetate to myself day after day. I'm just a burden for everyone who takes care of me, who sacrifices all their love, time and strength every day to keep me alive. Why am I so selfish and do this to them? Isn't it best to stop? To end my life here and now? In order to no longer be a burden and to put an end to misery? Isn't everyone happier then? Without me? All problems would be solved in one fell swoop!

But what about me? Do I want the years of struggle to be in vain? Would I like to give up so easily and give up cancer? Is my life already over? Do I not have a right to live?

So many different thoughts go through my head every day, because all I can do is lie here in my bed and worry about all kinds of things. Because my mind is the only thing that still works for me without problems that I can influence. I don't need any help with. Isn't that sad? Is that still a life?

As a cancer patient, you go through all kinds of emotions. Because the fight never ends. If one is of the opinion that everything will turn out well, life will come and show you the middle finger. It's an endless fight that cannot be won. No matter how ambitious you are, no matter how much support you have. The fight is doomed to fail. But you should spend the precious lifetime that is given to you with the people who do you good, who love you and who will walk the path with you until the bitter end. Enjoy the few days and hours you have. Even if it's easier said than done.

No matter which fight you have to go through, always keep your head up, never give up and be aware of your worth.